Wow, I love receiving comments, especially when they are about Manic Street Preachers! If I write more ranty stuff about them here, will you guys comment more? Because I promise you, I could turn this journal into the LJ version of Simon Price's Everything crossed with fangirlyness crossed with manics.nl!

siesahes was here today, yay! We watched five episodes of Big Bang Theory (and she was kind enough to borrow me season one and two on dvd so hello lovely tv-time) and a bunch of nature shows. We have probably five or six nature/wildlife/ animal tv channels here, and I love it. I need to spend more time watching nice programs about lions and snakes and sharks and zebras etz.

My favorite animal as of today: the platypus! It's part duck, part otter, part beaver, part venomous! It lays eggs! It's probably magical idk!



So cute too!

The furies are at home in the mirror;
it is their address.
Even the clearest water,
if deep enough, can drown.
Never think to surprise them.
Your face approaching ever so friendly
is the white flag they ignore.
There is no truce with the furies.
A mirror's temperature is always at zero,
it is ice in the veins.
Its camera is an x-ray.
It is a chalice held out to you
in silent communion
where gaspingly you,
paratake of a shifting identity
never your own.


quote by: R.S. Thomas (1913-2000)
quoted: sleeve of this is my truth tell me yours and projected on stage during the this is my truth tell me yours tour

Spent this morning (um it's still only 8:44 AM but whatevs) watching Forever Delayed, the Manic Street Preachers music video collection. Well it covers everything from their first single to "There by the Grace of God".

It always surprises me how much I still love this band.

I do not know how many times I've made lists in various forums or LJ-groups of my favorite songs, albums, etc with these guys but I'm never quite satisfied. It's kind of difficult to make lists when things resonates with you in different ways. I love album A for an entirely different reason than album B.

As of right now, favorite albums:
1. This is my truth tell me yours (I always tend to forget this one. I remember listening to it about five times a day when I was 15, right after I bought it. It was the fourth album that I listened to by them, but I'd heard some of the songs earlier since radio and mtv played "If you tolerate this..." etc repeatedly when I was 12. How I hated that song. I "got" it at fifteen though and have pretty much adored it ever since. Great video too, I like it.)
2. Lifeblood (When I first moved to Kalmar this was my "after party with myself" album. Every time I'd been out and about I'd come home and listen to this entire album and/or fall asleep to it.)
3. Gold Against the Soul  (Granted, I'm not crazy about all of it, but overall I like it. I re-discovered La Tristessa Durera today and kind of realised what a good song it is.)

Usually, my list is topped by The Holy Bible but omg, it's so depressing and fucked up. So bleak and harsh, also I think listening to Journal For Plague Lovers for all of December has kind of filled up the quota for how many songs about death and self destruction, eating disorders and vanity and mirrors I can take. For a while.

Okay, one more list: Things I have a soft spot for in songs:
- whistling, such as the little bit in You're Tender and You're Tired
- strings
- pianos
- simple and catchy melodies, I can't really explain this in english so I'll try it in swedish. "Dansband".
- when it comes to Manics, James singing calmly and not violently. I love, absolutely love, their cover of Primitive Painters by Felt, except for the chorus where James strains his voice and gets all "rrrgh". The verses are so beautiful and then his "rrrrgh" shit just destroys it. It's so stupid. He has a good voice, why do that "rrrgh" thing with it? I simply can not understand it.
- songs with an ocean/sea theme, I've always loved that

Well this has been an interesting read for you all, huh?

Oh, another thing. I love that it's not just the music that counts when you (I) rate Manic Street Preachers albums. I always think of the music and the lyrics, but playing an equal important part is the artwork for the booklet, the quotes on the back of the album and/or in the booklet, the videos made during the time of the album and sometimes the things they said in interviews during the time the album was released/promoted.
Maybe that's why I can't seem to write about any other band as much as this one, because most bands have their albums judged only by the songs and the way they fit together. The overall impression of the album etc. I guess I want more than that. Music has always been secondary to books for me, Manic Street Preachers is the only band who have combined them both (together with "art" I guess?) in a way that appeals to me.
I do love a few other bands and I like a lot of other music, but usually, that's "just songs" to me, and I can't care as deeply for "just songs".

I need to take english classes because I'm getting paranoid that everything I write is grammatically incorrect.

New years eve. Karin and Sakh were trying to hide in the back as to give my ego more room.

My mind has been all ______________________________________________ today but I've managed to send in more job applications and also wash my clothes and cook dinner. 
Our balcony is half filled with snow/ice, it looks ridiculous. We have a table out there (actually it's our neighbours table because we have a shared balcony) and it is covered with four-five decimeters of snow. This season is so stupid. Really really stupid.

Here's a tip: If writing job applications makes you want to stab your eyes out, make sure you sleep as little as possible and drink as much coffee as you possibly can. Work yourself into a manic state reading and writing and cleaning and soon you'll be so tired you won't feel anything when typing out application letters and polishing your resume. It works wonders! Gonna go to the library now and maybe die in a pile of snow on the way, ttyn!

I think about breakfast and coffee. If I go to sleep hungry I think about breakfast before I go to sleep. But usually I don't.
And I think of these things because I'm a hungry girl I guess. Also because coffee is love in liquid form and because breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I don't know.

I wrote a very long entry here yesterday morning but I decided to erase most of it. This I didn't erase:

The things I write for my eyes only tend to be the best words I write. When I read my old journals (irl ones) I love every sentence of them because they are REAL and well written and except for my dark and lonely years (age 8 to 18 lol) they are often funny and enjoyable to read. When I read old online journals written for me and a potential audience they suckkkkkk sooooo baaaad. Because if I write knowing other people could maybe possibly read it, I am not genuine. I'm not myself, I seldom write about the things that really mean something etc. The url girl you all "know and love" is not a girl I like, but the irl one is.



I decided to stop reading the Lars Norén diary because it is depressing. And too boring.

I finished reading Elisabeth Rynells "Hitta hem" the night before last night, at about 3AM or so. I love her books because I can relate to many of her main characters. In this book, a girl named Hild reminded me so much of myself as a child that it was a bit scary.
I don't necessarly think that her books are very good though. I like the parts where she describes things I have experienced, when I get to follow someone else who goes through the same things, feelings, thoughts. But the moment she describes another character going through things I haven't been through, it's just "ok". The language she uses is ok, the story is ok, the characters are ok. But nothing more than that.
Then she goes back to the character that surely must be based on me and my life, and I smile when this lost kid discover Narnia books and really lives by them, loving even the name Narnia because it sounds magical. Or I cry when she feels things I felt when I was eight. Ten. Thirteen.

I am so tired it's not even funny.

I don't like Lady Gaga that much really. I like the concept but I am not a fan of the music. I don't hate it either.



BUT THIS SONG AND VIDEO, THE COMBINATION, I CAN NOT HELP BUT LOVE IT. Hence big letters. Majuscules = srs bsns.
One of the autizm girls I work with loves it aswell and turns the volume up 300% whenever it's on MTV and ever time I surprise myself by being absolutely mesmerized by it. I stare at the screen and shut my mouth for as long as it lasts and then she goes "I like this song" and I'm like "YES".


Ok, I like "Monster" aswell. I'm a fan of the chorus because it's catchy and I'm simple like that.

When I sit in the sofa and my cat Penny sits behind me she sometimes reaches out with her paw and "pats" me on my shoulder to get my attention. My heart is a puddle right now.
She does the same thing sometimes in the mornings, but lying on my chest. I lie there half asleep and then I feel a paw on my face, touching my chin or my cheek. It's the best thing ever. She's usually careful with her claws, but even when I get a sharp, slightly painful pat on the cheek it's so adorable I could die.



It's like 0:39 in this video (which I will repost forever and ever because I love it) but with a much smaller feline.

So I'm branching out in my search for work

It's a job in a library. (None of you are allowed to apply for it okokokoko!) (I erased the link so none of you can apply lolol hello competative girl.)

I could kill for this job, I could kill maybe three to five people. Perhaps ten! If I got this job I would cry for a week (happiness) and then cry for every month it lasts (joy) and then cry when it's over (immense sadness).
I do not know why I didn't study to become a librarian, because I would love to spend my days in a library. But I guess theres a limited amount of jobs for librarians and there's probably 20500 applicants for every position, so whatever.


I miss hanging out with people. I've been hanging out with Karin and Sakh for a couple of weeks ('cept for my brief time at home) but there are so so so many friends I haven't seen for ages. People near and people far.  I do not know why I never seem to be able to ask people for meets 'n' greets.


I would also love to work in an office all day and just sort pages of paper into different piles and put stamps on letters and file things. And I don't know what the title is in english but I'd love to become an "arkivarie", why didn't I study to become one of those? Just put things in archives and idk what else they do, but I'm sure I'd love it.

Good thing is that I no longer want to kill myself when I write job applications, I actually kind of enjoy it. So I guess I finally lost my last bit of sanity. And it feeeels gooooood maaaaan!

ETA:
Is it a good idea to go to the library and be like "Haaaay I have some questions about the job u r offering" (I do) and hope that they (the ones responsible for hiring people) will be won over by my natural charm? Do I have natural charm? Maybe I could just take my clothes off? I do not know! God, I loooooooooooved my old library job so fucking much. I longed to go to work. I loved it. So much. So very very much. If you really really really want a job, how do you make sure you get it? As I said, I have questions about it, so I am going to call them at least, but how do I make sure that they fall in love with me and wants me to stay in their sweet embrace 4-ever?

Okay I've been drinking gallons of coffee and coca cola all day I need to wire downnnn.

And yes, I still have that stuffed lion but he's up north in my old room.

A stuffed lion named Leo. (Because I was very creative with names like that.)


Slept four hours tonight because I stayed up late reading and re-watching Brideshead Revisited and then awoke early to read and write.
Writing job applications, after every job application I get to either read or watch Big Bang Theory or Brideshead Revisited. Also I get a cup of coffee if I want!!! Carrots and whips ftw!

Nope. Nope. No, no, no.

Twiggy Ramirez. He seems like an easy going kind of guy. Thomas Love Peacock, because he seemed like a fun fella aswell. My friend Erica, because she is nice and chatty and would go along with everyone. Vladimir Putin because he's funky, and maybe a narrator for him. Sylvia Plath because she was intelligent and seemed like a fun girl to be around, she seemed to make friends easily, didn't she?
We would discuss anything except for politics, religion etc. We'd talk about cats vs. dogs and beauty vs. truth. I don't know. Maybe I should bring Richey Edwards along too, he could entertain us with a moonwalk if the party got boring.

Hanson. They seem/ed to have fun and everything, no?

Just got interviewed about my (dead?) blog for half an hour, it was fun. I thought maybe the interview was going to be about modegloggs but somehow it ended up being about me me me, because that's the way I do it I guess.

Reading "En dramatikers dagbok" by Lars Norén. It's a diary, some drama guy who during five years wrote about his everyday life. Going shopping, writing plays, running, divorcing his wife etc. It's pretty boring, so I love it. It's like 1600 pages long.
If anyone have any recommendation of boring books, where the same stuff happens over and over again, no action, just idk, descriptions of walking in parks, please do recommend. I'm thinking Walden, I'm thinking American Psycho (except for the murders it's just Patrick dining, Patrick noticing how other people look, Patrick returning videotapes, rinse and repeat). I'm thinking the first half of Glamorama, where nothing really happens, just shallow dialogue.

Also reading some shitty poetry collection. In 2010 I'm going to try and read more poetry because I want to have read some poetry but stupid as I am I started with contemporary poetry and so far it suuuuuucks sooooo baaaad. I want to read things like Dylan Thomas but not Dylan Thomas. Someone who isn't Dylan Thomas but writes like him. Is Lord Byron any good? Ugh idk.
Why is this always the case? I discover one playwright (Tennessee Williams) and I fall in love and then I try to read other playwrights but they all suck. I find one poet (Dylan Thomas) and I fall in love but I can't stand any other poetry. I do not get it.


I drank cherry wine at new years eve and it was so tasty. I remember one time when me and Karin was going to see Marilyn Manson and we shared a bottle of cherry wine outside the venue but had to drink it really quick and it made me feel ill. It was the first time I drank cherry wine and I haven't been able to stand even the smell since then but now I think I'm starting to fall in love with it so I guess it will be my choice of drink for the next twelve months. It's so sweet and almondy. Mmmm.

Since everyone is celebrating their top tens, I decided to do something a little bit different: mock my BOTTOM ten characters of the decade. I am sure I missing some real stinkers, but I've ummed and ahhed enough. Here tis - my top ten shittiest TV characters of the decade:



( fuck you, you ruined my show )

Watched this movie a while ago, requested the DVD for Christmas. Rewatched, am now picspamming.

I can absolutely see how people might not enjoy this film, what with the strange mix of gritty and naive that's going on, and the whole thing where there's basically no dialogue... but I thought it was magic. If you like small, subtle stories about love or if you like gorgeous cinematography (seriously picspamming this was almost annoyingly unchallenging) and a whole lot of delicious imagery going on, then you should give it a try.

I love the main girl, Marissa Gibson. Hope to see more of her.

I've randomized the order of my caps - the aim is not to spoil, but to tantalize.



( Samson and Delilah - a picspam of epic gorgeousness )

six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver
High School Musical, Chad/Ryan, spoilers for HSM2 (PG-13)
1 180 words, with thanks to autoridade, my ever-present partner in crime.

notes: Secret Santa gift for fools_game. I'm sorry about the lack of Christmas in this; I tried. Happy New Year! Title by T. S. Eliot.

It's not very good, but the waiter has pretty eyes and that's all Ryan's asking, really.

( --- )

Hallelujah. There is finally a dramatized version of my favourite Jane Austen novel that I can love and adore and sigh over. I've either shrugged or cringed my way through every adaptation until now (unless you count Clueless <3) so it's about time somebody got it right.

When I first heard about the casting for the lead I squealed in delight, because Romola Garai is the best actress of her generation and seeing her in an Austen production is pretty much crack to me. She did not disappoint. However, when I heard who was playing Knightley... I was less enthused. Not because I've ever had anything against Johnny Lee Miller, just because... it really, really didn't seem like a good fit. Omfg was I wrong. He almost outshone Romola, which doesn't happen in my world. He was perfect in the role, and I think he may have taken over from Firth's Darcy as my favourite Jane Austen guy on screen of all time.

As for the supporting cast... it was fun seeing Romola and Jodhi May reunited - Daniel Deronda was my first experience of them both and I kind of fell in love. Michael Gambon played a wonderful Mr Woodhouse, somewhat softer round the edges than the character I remember from the book, but it worked; I loved him and I understood how Emma would sacrifice so much for him. John Knightley. Including him earned this production so much love from me. Both he and Isabella were perfection. At this point I could just say everyone was wonderful, but I want to single out a couple more. Harriet Smith was finally right for me - she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer by any means, but she also wasn't a completely vapid moron who could live or die for all you cared. The actress played her with a charm and warmth similar to the way Brittany Murphy (RIP) played Tai in Clueless. FRAN FROM BLACK BOOKS AS MRS BATES. Genius. I almost cried in the scene where Emma goes to... no, I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen/read. And one last mention - the guy who played Frank Churchill. Absolute, sheer unmitigated perfection. He should get some kind of trophy. I might make him one out of the toothpaste boxes RIGHT NOW.

The only person I found even a little weak was Laura Pyper as Jane Fairfax. And to be fair, since I hated her with a fucking fiery passion in Hex, I may have been a little biased.

Okay, I'm going to shut up now and proceed with a little picspam - I've steered clear of the big moments and put things in random order, so it should be tantalizing rather than spoilery :)



( EMMA - BBC MINI-SERIES 2009 - PICSPAM )